Today I’m sitting in front of my
psychotherapist and crying
in all earnestness because I’m
not getting the Nobel. Forget that –
I don’t think I’ll even get
the National Prize, I tell her how
I want to stamp my feet, shred
pictures with my nails, fall
on the ground like a three-year-old
having a tantrum,
and I am that child
not getting candy –
little Lina, waiting once more
for the results of the contest
with Depeche Mode playing
in my mind because to lose
for her means not to be.
My psychotherapist speaks
to that little Lina
and asks her how she would rate
her home –
it just hurt too much,
otherwise, nobody
really noticed me –
only on stage, only in the limelight
was I able, for a bit, to be.
fuck off, little Lina,
fuck off, all you teachers
who encouraged me –
I want another home.
The psychotherapist likes
this latest catchphrase.
But I still really want
to win that Nobel Prize.
Lina Buividavičiūtė was born on May 14, 1986. She is a poet and literary critic. Lina is an author of two poetry books in Lithuanian language. Her poetry is published in "Matter", "Masters", “Proverse poetry prize" contest anthologies, "Drunk monkeys", "Beyond words", "The Dewdrop", "The limit experience", "Beyond queer words", "Maudlin House", "Cathexis northwest press", "Poetry online" magazines and "Versopolis" poetry platform. Upcoming publications will appear in “New millennium writings”, "Cathexis northwest press", "Red noise collective" and “Beyond words” magazines. This poem was translated from Lithuanian to English by Rimas Užgiris.