When (it) first came to me I was tentative
and I felt I would be shouted at for having pure but wreckless fun
I was nervous at every man walking past, as if they would take it away
for I hadn't learnt enough for it to suit me yet, there were growing pains
I’d like to have used it wisely and felt it fully
Then it became a burden
Peers had different gages of it, and I wasn’t sure mine was enough
I envied those who appeared to be given more
how they would bare their enamel, glimmering in interpersonal euphoria
I wonder what interpersonal success allowed for them to have been given more than me
Just before it came to me in a wave
I sat, heart racing to the speed of intense joy
But it was only my heart racing i could feel,
As if a kangaroo was trapped for months on end inside a steel box
jumping, only to hit it’s head and jump again
Then the wave came
I sank underneath it and loaned parts of it to other people
At times giving too much of it away, leaving insufficient supply for myself
But at every integer I gained some back
in retrospect, I am thankful I wasn't yearning at this time
Now we all have it in abundance
Yet it has been taken away by a situation, and in turn people: everyone
I can no longer envy how others use it on summer days and winter evenings
For I look outside and do not see glimmering enamel, or anything at all
there is so little yet so much of it, that it can not fulfil any of us
Connie Louise Rigby was born in Greater Manchester but is currently a Berlin based. She is 20 years old and a student of Modern Foreign Languages and Cultures.
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