A is for Apple - Lor Eftychiou

A is for Apple

crispy green feels good to cut

easy to reach for during those

little moments i’m worth

feeding.

N is for nourish

me

nourish me with a french press with a

cigarette with pills that work better

On an empty stomach On an empty stomach

O. for that hollow place that forgot what

hunger feels like.

Are is the first word my therapist says

Really looks more like the shape of myself

like a lower-case checkmark that hunches over anything

that isn’t a plate.

E starts with a curse word

forces my teeth to curl into a syllable that reminds me

of chewing

a word i want

other people to tell me. to tell me

but i can’t open my mouth to

eeee

Sandwich a D and a H around that word

they don’t serve Death at any restaurant.

X for the mark i walk around with

from the neck down

the slashes i’m too

Chicken to slice across my arms

these are endorphins for brave people scared people quiet people people

who beautiful betrayed because we know how to

look really good

even when we’re starving. we X out our mouths our

throats our chests our bellies.

push it all down into my lower organs. you can’t see

pain in a little intestine

while the upper parts keep smoking keep

drinking keep popping capsules of

I

don’t care anymore

I

don’t care anymore just

get me out of here

a

is for apple.

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Lor Eftychiou travels around the country with her laptop. Her writing keeps her grounded.