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Not Getting the Nobel - Lina Buividavičiūtė

Today I’m sitting in front of my

psychotherapist and crying

in all earnestness because I’m

not getting the Nobel. Forget that –

I don’t think I’ll even get

the National Prize, I tell her how

I want to stamp my feet, shred

pictures with my nails, fall

on the ground like a three-year-old

having a tantrum,

and I am that child

not getting candy –

little Lina, waiting once more

for the results of the contest

with Depeche Mode playing

in my mind because to lose

for her means not to be.

My psychotherapist speaks

to that little Lina

and asks her how she would rate

her home –

it just hurt too much,

otherwise, nobody

really noticed me –

only on stage, only in the limelight

was I able, for a bit, to be.

fuck off, little Lina,

fuck off, all you teachers

who encouraged me –

I want another home.

The psychotherapist likes

this latest catchphrase.

But I still really want

to win that Nobel Prize.

 

Lina Buividavičiūtė was born on May 14, 1986. She is a poet and literary critic. Lina is an author of two poetry books in Lithuanian language. Her poetry is published in "Matter", "Masters", “Proverse poetry prize" contest anthologies, "Drunk monkeys", "Beyond words", "The Dewdrop", "The limit experience", "Beyond queer words", "Maudlin House", "Cathexis northwest press", "Poetry online" magazines and "Versopolis" poetry platform. Upcoming publications will appear in “New millennium writings”, "Cathexis northwest press", "Red noise collective" and “Beyond words” magazines. This poem was translated from Lithuanian to English by Rimas Užgiris.

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